Destination Lazy

Today as I was going for my morning walk, I saw what I can only describe as the pinnacle of laziness. After lifting my jaw from the street, I removed my cell phone from my pocket and took a quick picture for everyone to see. Behold the super industrial, motor driven, vacuum.

I watched in amazement as this man puffed away at a cigarette while sitting in this monstrosity. He would drive 2 feet forward, then swing the large arm in front and to the side, vacuuming up cigarette butts and small pieces of paper. When he was finished the cigarette he himself was smoking, he would throw it to the ground in front of him and then operate the joystick to suck it into the back of the vehicle. Then he would drive forward another two feet and swing the arm around again.

I decided to Google this breakthrough in modern technology. MADVAC is the name of one of the models that are currently being sold. It boasts about how it's "a high profile, cost-efficient cleaning machine that safely and effectively cleans city sidewalks and parks." It also states that the MadVac "raises your profile, showing citizens and local businesses how serious you are about improving their environment." When I read further in the specs of the machine, however, I see that the engine is a 28 hp diesel engine. Forgive my scepticism but if there is a cigarette butt on the ground, Would it not be more environmentally friendly to sweep the butt into a pan at the end of a stick with a broom instead of using a diesel powered vehicle, idling on the sidewalk and spewing CO2 emissions into the air?

Points to Ponder

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine .

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.